Stay Safe: Are You Sleeping with the Enemy?

Not all attacks can be handled by physical force! Some assaults are subliminal. They creep up from behind. Hate masks itself by putting on a pleasant face or a wounded pout. Outright ridicule, haranguing, and outrageous demands are part of the package. Just look at the craziness on college campuses. Consider special interest groups who give themselves permission to riot. Narcissists are on the rise.

Merriam-Webster defines this particular animal as being extremely self-centered with an exaggerated sense of self-importance: marked by or characteristic of excessive admiration of or infatuation with oneself.

Cyberbullies, malicious influencers, and those who would be king/queen abound thanks in part to social media. But not everyone is on a power trip. That's great but an unwillingness to join the fray is no guarantee against doing exactly that. 

Kind, compassionate, supportive, and self-sacrificing types are a "narc's" favorite meal.  Your pain is pleasure to them. Your confusion equals power. And your attempts to fix whatever it is are all too amusing. Try as you might, dealing with a psychologically damaging narcissist can really mess with your head. They can trash your self-esteem, potentially leading the chosen target to depression, anxiety, or worse. 

This is the stuff of psychological thrillers. If you missed it, check out the 1991 psychological thriller SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. Julia Roberts stars as a woman who fakes her own death in a desperate attempt to escape her abusive spouse. Wow. That does seem extreme, but I'd imagine that may happen in real life somewhere. Wife of a drug lord? A mob boss? No doubt there are those in the aforementioned positions that do care for their wives, but still. Try teasing yourself out of an abusive situation wherein the abuser has all the power already.

Thankfully the majority of us won't ever be in that situation. But here are ten down-to-earth tips to help you cope and lessen the negative impact of these relationships that may be closer than we think:

1. Get Educated About Narcissism: Understanding narcissistic behaviors is key to spotting and dealing with their manipulation tactics. Learning about this stuff empowers you to spot harmful patterns early on. Merriam-Webster is a place to start, but if you're really looking for the details, check in with DoctorRamani - YouTube!
2. Set Clear Boundaries: Draw firm lines and communicate them clearly with the narcissist. Stick to these boundaries to safeguard your emotional well-being and prevent them from taking advantage of you. Example: I will leave the room if you speak in that tone again. Then DO it because you will be tested. Whatever your chosen terms of engagement or non-engagement, stick to them and dish out consequences. 
3. Avoid Getting Sucked into Power Struggles: Narcissists thrive on conflict and control. Try to steer clear of arguments or power struggles because it just fuels their manipulative behavior. Keep your cool, at least visibly, and focus on maintaining your boundaries.
4. Take Care of Yourself: Invest time in activities that promote self-care and mental wellness. Whether it's hobbies, regular exercise, or mindfulness practices, these can help boost your emotional strength.
5. Lean on Trusted People: Build a support network of reliable friends, family, or therapists who understand what you're going through. Their support and advice can be a huge comfort. You are not imagining everything.
6. Speak Up Assertively: Use assertive communication with narcissists. Be straightforward and firm in expressing yourself without letting them manipulate you. You must calmly reject any and all labels, unjust blame, and goal-post shifts. Caring folks don't typically ignore someone with an issue, so don't doubt your memory when the narc attempts to pretend otherwise to maintain argument and save face.
7. Detach Emotionally: Try not to get too emotionally invested in interactions with the narcissist. However close the relationship may be or have been, the now is what matters. Keeping a bit of distance can shield you from their toxic behaviors and keep your mind clear.
8. Focus on Personal Growth: Invest in yourself. Set realistic goals, track your progress, and celebrate small wins to boost your self-esteem and confidence. The stronger the personality, the less likely you are to be targeted by a narcissist. Strong doesn't mean uncaring, either. Quite the opposite. Strong people can help others.
9. Minimize Contact: If you can, reduce contact with the narcissist to lower emotional stress and avoid further manipulation. A behavioral change on your part will send the clearest message without need for verbal wrangling. Distance lends enchantment, or in this case, peace of mind. You're worth it!
10. Consider Professional Help: If it all gets too overwhelming, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist who specializes in dealing with narcissistic abuse. They can offer personalized guidance and support. 

In a nutshell, dealing with psychologically damaging narcissists requires taking care of yourself, learning about narcissism, and being assertive. By applying these tips, you'll be better equipped to handle tough relationships and regain control of your emotional well-being.