Soul Ties: New Age Mumbo or Real Deal?
Soul Ties: New Age Mumbo or Real Deal?
I have no doubt that those reading this blog have had some experience with the topic of soul ties. Don’t think so? Think again. Have you ever sensed an intense connection with someone that goes way beyond simple attraction or friendship? Have you revisited a person, place, or thing repeatedly in your mind or heart? Or felt like you’d be lost without whatever?
Well, you may call it something else, like obsession, but that’s another way of looking at soul ties.
Understanding soul ties, especially the bad ones, is crucial for your emotional and spiritual well-being. Let’s explore what soul ties are, how they form, and, most importantly, how to break the negative ones.
What Are Soul Ties?
A soul tie as I understand it is a deep, attraction that connects individual entities. To avoid argument, I’ve taken the idea of mystical ties or cosmic cords as the means to describe these invisible attachments of an intense nature.
The spiritual realm is real. Believers are inexorably linked in the Body of Christ, no? We do not see said links but only the resulting fruits of ascribing to the same word, gathering to pray, or engage in charitable works for example.
Similar connections can be formed via other associations. Afterall, what motivated Paul to denounce the yoking of believers with non-believers? The impossibility of forming dangers attachments? Bonds do form through emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy. Being yoked with another by way of common interest, shared background, fawned over charisma, and assorted desires can and do get us into trouble. These unseen affinities can affect your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Types of Soul Ties
Emotional Soul Ties: Shared confidences and challenges met and conquered together are potent bonding agents. Coworkers can form bonds that often leave spouses out. Consider Joe Rocket Scientist sighing, “Kayla, my assistant, understands everything of what I’m striving for. And while I love my wife, I cringe whenever she asks about my day. Please. She’d be glazed over by the first five minutes of one meeting!” Emotional soul ties can form between buddies of the same sex, too. That mountain climbing partner. The neighbor lady who gets what men are like and never ceases to amaze with the hilarious one-liners.
Physical Soul Ties: This one’s a no-brainer. Sex connects people. And while individuals may think they’re having a one-night encounter, its often true that the chemical rush of a forbidden whatever intensifies the imprint of one’s partner on the brain, the soul, the spirit, etc. Setting the spiritual aside, this scenario represents an absolutely connection between two entities who may otherwise be horrible for one another.
Spiritual Soul Ties: These highest-level connections are developed through shared spiritual practices or beliefs. I say highest because that’s how I rate things. You may have a different understanding. The simple act of coming together on Sunday is an affirmation of otherwise invisible bonds. These ties can be welcome spiritual supports, especially when the rest of our life experience goes haywire as it can do during times of trial.
What makes a soul tie positive?
You will know the positive soul tie by its fruits: Mutual respect, love, and support. These connections boost personal growth and contribute to the well-being of both individuals, providing a sense of security and belonging. For the Christian in specific, positive means that whoever you’re attached to isn’t leading you away from your faith in God and your pursuit of living in accordance with His commandments.
Examples of Healthy Soul Ties
Healthy soul ties can be found in relationships with loving family members, supportive friends, or a nurturing romantic partner. These connections uplift and empower the people involved.
Negative Soul Ties
Negative soul ties are marked by control, manipulation, and emotional turmoil. These ties can make you feel trapped, drained, or overwhelmed by the other person.
Examples of Unhealthy Soul Ties
Unhealthy soul ties might form with abusive partners, manipulative friends, or toxic family members, and malformed clergy. These relationships stunt personal growth and can lead to significant emotional and mental distress as authority or a desire to love and be loved becomes polluted by that which is not of God. (Power trips, competition, being judged through the lens of another's insecurities, etc.)
Remember. John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Keep that in mind when analyzing the signs of bad soul ties
Emotional Instability
One clear sign of a bad soul tie is emotional instability. You might find yourself experiencing extreme mood swings, anxiety, or depression linked to the person involved or something he or she said. A person may give you great advice, but give it in such a way that you are belittled, undermined, publicly humiliated, etc. THIS is not good. The beginning, middle, and end of an encounter should all be good to be called such.
Obsessive Thinking
If you can't stop thinking about someone, to the point where it messes with your daily life or impedes your connection/obligation to your spouse and family, you may have an unhealthy soul tie. Obsessive thoughts can be consuming and harmful to your well-being, even if the only one adversely affected is you! We are called to love ourselves, right?
Unhealthy Attachment
An unhealthy attachment is characterized by an exaggerated dependence on the other person for your happiness and self-worth. This fallacy can prevent you from living a balanced and independent life. The same can be said of objects that we cannot seem to let go of when their usefulness has run its course—if there ever was an actual use. Objects can be the stand in representation of a place, time, or desire that's not appropriate for who we are in the present.
I've recently come to grips with my attachment to items in my closet. I'll never wear them again, despite fitting into them. Why? Because that look, however x, y, or z, isn't who I am anymore. Hanging on to the me I used to be, like clothes cramming my closet, leaves little room to explore the myriad aspects of who I really am and would like to be.
Remember, the devil can mask himself as an angel of light. Whatever it takes to open a door. Would that we all could learn from the world by adopting such patient, never ending, application of effort.
The Impact of Negative Soul Ties
Mental Health Effects
Negative soul ties can lead to severe mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The emotional turmoil tied to these connections can be overwhelming and persistent.
Physical Health Effects
Chronic stress from bad soul ties can manifest physically, leading to issues like fatigue, headaches, and a weakened immune system. The mind-body connection means that emotional stress often impacts physical health. Long-term, unaddressed stress can cause high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, a weakened immune system, irritable bowel syndrome, acid reflux, ulcers, musculoskeletal pain, and weight gain thanks to the body's release of unnecessarily high doses of cortisol. That's pretty serious stuff.
Relationship Impacts
Unhealthy soul ties can sabotage other relationships in your life. The emotional baggage and stress can spill over, affecting your interactions with friends, family, and potential new partners.
Spiritual fallout
Soul ties of a bad nature can and do lead us away from confidence in God and our faith. The Parable of the Sower applies:
Matthew 13:3-9 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Whoever has ears, let them hear.”
Why Breaking Bad Soul Ties is Crucial
Restoring Personal Freedom
Breaking negative soul ties is key to regaining your personal freedom. It lets you reclaim your autonomy and make decisions that are best for your well-being.
Improving Mental and Physical Health
Freeing yourself from these toxic connections can lead to big improvements in both mental and physical health. The relief from emotional stress can enhance your overall quality of life.
Enhancing Relationships
Once you break free from bad soul ties, you can build healthier and more fulfilling relationships. You'll be better equipped to engage with others positively and constructively.
Steps to Break Bad Soul Ties
This is not an exhaustive list by any means but is rather a starting point if you recognize any of the above effecting you in a negative way:
Acknowledge the Soul Tie: Recognize that the attachment exists and understand how it is affecting you negatively. This is the first step towards breaking it. Identifying a problem is half the battle, right?
Reflect on the Relationship: Take time to reflect on the person, object, or habit you are tied to. Again, there’s no need to identify the attachment with a cosmic cord or anything more than the relationship that it is or was. (It’s often a good idea to review past relationships if only to reaffirm with yourself that you are no longer that person if, in fact, you’re attempting to identify negative influences in your life.) Understand why the bond formed and how it has impacted your life.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to limit contact or influence. This might involve reducing or eliminating interactions with the person or distancing yourself from the object or habit.
Seek Closure: If possible, have a conversation or perform a ritual that symbolizes closure. Don’t be fearful of the term ritual. Getting dressed and grabbing coffee every morning is a ritual. So is kicking your shoes off when you come home from work. Whatever outward expression you choose to seek closure is less important than your intent to end and/or close a particular chapter of your life. This could involve writing a letter to the person (which you may or may not send), or physically removing the object from your life. That said, do watch out for the possible formation of other negative attachments by relying on practices that go against your faith.
Forgive and Let Go: Forgive yourself and others involved. Letting go of resentment and guilt can help release the emotional hold over your soul. You may be forever working on the triggering aspects of whatever attachment has you bound up, but once again, intent is critical. Choose each and every time you are emotionally spun up to forgive and let go. For your own benefit if nothing else. But our families and friends don’t need to be bound by our inability or unwillingness to say goodbye to bitterness.
For Christians out there, never forget that every time we pray the Our Father, we’re asking God to forgive us our sins as we forgive others. So do forgive but understand that forgiveness is not forgetting. Remembering is for the purpose of being wary in future, not backbiting, hostility, or any other action that will only negate our supposed desire to break a bad attachment.
Replace Negative Influences: Fill the void left by the broken soul tie with positive activities, relationships, and habits. This can help you move on and build a healthier life. Nature abhors a vacuum. Scripture has this to say and its applicable even for those who don't hold to scripture because a heads up is a heads up:
Matthew 12: 43-45 "When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, your faith community, or a therapist for support. Talking to someone you trust can provide comfort and guidance as you navigate this process.
Practice Self-Care: Focus on your well-being by engaging in activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental health. This includes exercise, meditation/prayer, journaling, and pursuing hobbies.
Stay Committed: Breaking an unhealthy soul tie can take time and effort. Stay committed to your decision and be patient with yourself as you work through it.
Preventing Negative Soul Ties in the Future
Awareness and Mindfulness
The practice of situational awareness is not limited to one’s physical surroundings. Take inventory on a regular basis of your emotional and spiritual connections. What is consuming you? What tempts you? What are you talking about or doing more of than you were say a month ago. Assess and confirm or reject. Mindfulness can help you recognize potential negative ties early on.
Healthy Relationship Practices
Engage in healthy relationship practices, such as open communication, mutual respect, and emotional support. Avoid gossip, backbiting, fear mongering, etc. This includes establishing a healthy relationship with oneself. Are you on edge? Maybe a cutback on the consumption of headline news will help. Worries happen but inviting them by fixating on conflicts over which we have no control is a recipe for truly nasty stew. Don’t victimize yourself.
Setting Boundaries Early
Set and communicate boundaries early in relationships for all parties involved, including yourself. This helps prevent the formation of unhealthy soul ties from the start. That said, unhealthy soul ties can be changed to the good, but only if both parties commit to healing the relationship. We have no control over others, so work on yourself first and foremost. You are your closest neighbor, the measure we’re called to use when loving another. If you don’t love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries, how can you expect to set necessary boundaries for others?
A disordered relationship with yourself leaves you wide open to those waiting to take advantage, torment, or toy with whoever is handy. Consider this. The willful acceptance of being a juicy target is no exercise of charity. Those who choose this road, the road of no resistance, are, in a sense, facilitating their neighbor's bad and/or sinful/disordered behavior by not resisting what they should call out. That sounds twisted and it is. Am I blaming victims? No. But those with negative soul ties are often the same persons who believe themselves deserving of torment. That’s neither healthy nor godly.
Breaking bad soul ties is a journey of self-discovery and healing, not the opportunity to mince words or phrases and accuse others of whatever frightens us either. Hence the title of this piece--New Age Mumbo or Real Deal? I’ve read some columns wherein those who use affirmations—i.e. I am whole, healthy, and loved—are condemned as practicing witchcraft. That’s Christians condemning other believers because another person's ritual involves repeated vocalizations. Sufferers are decried as denying Christ because they're engaging positive speak and doing what they can to mentally and spiritually reclaim what's good and true.
This type of behavior, in my view, is mostly a distraction. Christ was/is a healer. He healed those who weren't followers, too. Those who accuse others can, despite what they perceive as pure intentions, unwittingly, develop yet another unhealthy attachment in this fashion. That of feeling superior or righteous or being Christ's only channel of grace. The Creator can and does use all of His creation to His purpose.
Consider this, an overcorrection on the freeway at 60 miles per hour can result in hideous accidents, too. Sometimes far worse, depending on who or what we’re plowing into. A healthy fear is our friend, but not the kind that leads us to judge with unjust judgement. Feel free to tell me the same should I cross whatever line I've drawn.
By understanding these ties and taking proactive steps to sever them, however, you can reclaim your personal freedom and well-being. It's never too late to break free from negative influences and build a healthier, happier life. Where there's life there's hope. It is too late for me to pretend that this blog is a short one, though. Sorry about that. I obviously had a lot on my mind, soul, and whatever else you'd care to call it.
Thank you for your indulgence in reading through what, honestly, is only my opinion. That’s always something to consider before accepting any information as proverbial gospel. You know YOU best. But I do hope something I’ve written helps you!!
For some fast-paced, heart thumping examples of soul ties, check out Fallen Angel. The who and what of our pasts has tremendous impact on the now. Maybe it's time to let go and really let God!!
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